Submitted by: Morrissey | View Member Profile | View Other Posts
Created: 2/21/2006
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I was reluctant to post this article, but my dear boyfriend (who I met on this site!) told me it is a very good article, and accurate as well as tactful, and that I can go ahead and post it if I would like to, so that is what I am doing now! :)
The Song of Solomon poses a real problem for some conservative Christians, as do other passages that are of similar nature. But when the principles BEHIND it are considered, the problem disappears. But before I go into the details of that, I would like to give a little background. I have been raised in a moderately conservative Seventh-day Adventist home, wherein our position has shifted over the years from somewhat liberal, to more moderate, then conservative, and finally ultra-conservative, after which we went back the other direction to where we are now, which could be called old-fashioned moderate. I was baptized at age 10 and quickly became aware of spiritual and family matters, particularly how young people made such shambles out of their lives in early years. From about age 15 on, I began observing family matters pertaining to married life, because I saw and heard all too often of failed marriages and/or unhappy homes. I wanted to know what made things go wrong, or what made things stay right! So in both the people and stories I encountered, as well as my studies into the Bible and the Spirit of Prophecy, I took note of whatever had to do with these dynamics in the home.
What does this have to do with Song of Solomon? you may be wondering. During my preteens and early teenage years, we were in the ultra-conservative camp, and consequently I can relate well to how passages like the Song of Solomon affect the conservative and ultra-conservative serious Christians (who are usually the ones who have the most trouble with such passages). For many such well-meaning Christian Bible students (including the youth), there is quite a conflict between verses that put down "lust" (like 1 John 2:15-17), and the many portions that praise the physical side of marriage, such as the book Song of Solomon. I remember in my teen-age years not even being able to read Song of Solomon because it was absolutely revolting to me! I was being so careful to ignore the opposite sex near my age so as to stay totally unsullied along those lines, and I could not fathom the language or content of Song of Solomon - it seemed the epitome of lust and fleshly desire to me! But as time went on, I continued to study God's word, and I learned more, both as I matured and as my knowledge of Scripture and it's Author increased. I saw what appeared to be the key to this and many other similar confusing parallels, and that key is this: what is evil outside of the marriage relationship, is vitally important and necessary and good INSIDE the marriage relationship - very important distinction! In other words, there is an exact opposite comparison on the inside versus the outside.
Let me illustrate: Jesus said, "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you that whosoever looketh on a women to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." Matthew 5:27-28 Here we have God's guidelines for governing our thoughts for purity and freedom from temptation, and that starts with not even looking at those of the opposite sex in a light of wishing to have a physical relationship with them. This is indeed a vital safeguard to ensure purity of thought and action! But when it comes to husband and wife, is it evil for the husband to look upon his wife with a discerning and loving eye, taking in every single feature and admiring all aspects of her, including the physical side, and maybe even wanting to have physical relations with her? Is this lust and is it bad? No! How do I know that? The Bible shows the way on this, with the many texts that tell, either in story form, or in objective light, just how this matter is. Consider Proverbs 5:15-21, especially verses 18-21, "Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and the pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times: and be thou ravished always with her love. (Verse 20:) And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger? For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and He pondereth all his goings." So Solomon is painting a contrast here, between what is GOOD in verses 18 and 19, and what is BAD in verses 20 and 21. He is also definitely saying that a vibrant marriage relationship (including the decided physical and sexual overtones) is actually a safeguard against those same thoughts and actions being practiced towards anyone outside of that relationship. Apostle Paul says the same thing in 1 Corinthians 7:2-5, "Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence, and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband; and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except if it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."
So then, there is definitely a good and a bad here of the same thing, one on the outside of the marriage relation, and the other on the inside. But as we all know, ANYTHING good can be abused and taken to extremes on one side or the other! What are these extremes, what are their effects, and how can they be avoided? The two extremes of the physical in marriage would be under-use and over-use. However, there is one subtopic here that must be addressed first or else the rest is irrelevant, and that is the mechanism of estrangement and repulsion of the wife by the husband from any form of intimacy, via harshness, bad habits, et cetera, on the part of the husband. I have heard of husbands that still want to get close to the wife when she is not acting her best, and that is not only understandable but good as well, given the differences between men and women in terms of makeup and function, but women are easily repulsed and turned off by harshness from their mate. Paul says, "Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence, and likewise also the wife unto the husband." 1 Corinthians 7:3 See how Paul addresses the men first? There is a reason for that and it is born out in many other places in Scripture (see my article on What Is A REAL Man? for more on this topic). But suffice it to say, what woman is going to want to cuddle up with an explosive, irritable, grumpy grouch? Not many! And I have read that the wife being thus repulsed by the husband can and often does create a spiral of worsening alienation and blame games that can really tear up a marriage.
Now back to the two extremes - under-use and over-use. Let's look at the ultra-conservative extreme of under-use first. The Bible speaks of Isaac "sporting" with Rebekah, and that the king of the Philistines - seeing this from his palace - knew this was peculiarly married behavior. (Genesis 26:8 & 9) I remember another version rendering the word "sporting" as "petting". Strong's Concordance gives the idea it could mean playful teasing or the like, but nonetheless, the king looking out of a window could tell thereby that Rebekah was his wife and not his sister! But does the Bible say this behavior was bad or lustful? That may seem like a silly question, but not once you take the following into consideration. There are those who are so leery of anything physical as being perhaps fleshly and lustful - even in the marriage relation - that they will stay away from physical affection towards each other (like caressing, hugging, kissing, petting, et cetera) so as not to stir up sexual desires! The fact is, the Bible praises physical affection in the marriage relation, and the idea that this or even physical union itself is lust, is totally unfounded Biblically when the entire topic is examined over the whole Bible. To make this totally clear, let us look closer at the passage that is often the most confusing to conservative people on this matter : 1 Corinthians chapter 7:1-17, particularly verse 5. If one reads this one verse all by itself, the idea can be had that physical union is bad for the prayer life. Not so if you read all of verses 1-17! In fact, Paul is saying that if a couple wishes to forgo relations for a time for the sake of fasting and prayer, that is fine, but don't stay apart too long or too often, he warns, lest temptation arise thereby! (A Bible example of when God specifically forbade marital relations would be those few days at Mt. Sinai when the Ten Commandments were given. In preparing the people for the event on Mount Sinai three days later, God said through Moses, "Be ready against the third day; come not at your wives." Exodus 19:15 This, of course, was only for that specific time - that very solemn occasion.)
One other place that causes conservative thinkers possible confusion on this matter, is the excellent little book called Solemn Appeal, by E.G. White. This booklet deals much with physical topics relating to marriage as well as covering the evils of self-abuse/masturbation and how it can cause all manner of mental and physical health problems, many very serious in nature. My parents and I went through the entire book a little at a time for family worship sometime ago, and I was very much perplexed by what "excess" meant. Sister White kept talking about how bad "excess" is in the marriage relation, and so finally I asked a very knowledgeable godly married woman about it. I told her, "Anti-aging medical research is showing and publishing that couples who have regular sex at least one a week stay younger much longer than those who don't. Is that excess?" "No indeed!" was the unhesitating answer! Then she went on to tell me that the term "excess" mainly has to do with perversion, such as oral sex and gross things like that which were obviously never intended! Then too she told me that "excess" would also mean animal type passion to the point of engaging in physical union many times a day, or so many times a week as to deprive of sleep and useful labor et cetera. So then it all started to make sense - that "excess" really does mean the obvious extremes, and it is not condemning relations once a week or a few times a week.
In considering under-use, the subject matter has already swung around to the area of over-use, since defining one is helpful in defining the other. But now there is yet another meaning of "excess" (or over-use), and it has to do with family planning. In Bible times and also in agricultural societies, the more children a family has, the more workers there are to tend the fields and therefore the more potential exists for creating income - a win, win situation for a really big family! (except for the threat of endangering the wife's health by bearing too many children, which must always be considered). However, in the more industrialized societies and those whose income is not based out of a field, more children equals more drain on the family budget, and Sister White is very clear that it is presumption to have more children than the current family budget can support, for doing so is presuming upon God to miraculously provide means for children which the parents should have chosen not to bring into the world until their budget was large enough to support them. There is a definite conflict here with family planning and the idea of regular marital relations like Paul enjoins in 1 Corinthians 7:5 ... until contraception is brought into the picture. There are means of contraception mentioned right in the Bible itself, and there are also newer modern options that are safe and effective and do not endanger health and life the way birth control pills, IUDs and abortion do! I read a very good medical discourse on contraception from Dr. Agatha Thrash sometime ago, and it was very helpful in sorting out all the pros and cons of the many options now available, but suffice it to say, there are and have been options available that make it possible to have good family planning practices and regular relations at the same time, thus making no contradictions with the Bible or the Spirit of Prophecy on either end of the spectrum.
Spiritual Lessons and Such
The primary spiritual lesson to be learned from Song of Solomon and other related texts is that which Paul teaches in Ephesians: "Husbands, love your wives, EVEN AS CHRIST ALSO LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR IT." Ephesians 5:25 This is the classic symbolism of the wife representing the church and the husband representing Jesus. All throughout the Bible women are used to represent churches and religious systems, and men/husbands are used to represent Jesus. When faithful, Christ's church is represented as a pure woman, a lovely and comely queen. But in many cases Christ's church is unfaithful to Him and in such a case is represented as playing the harlot. In other cases there is a falsely so called Christian system(s) represented by Babylon the Great, the Mother of Harlots, and her harlot daughters. They are all harlots because they have perverted the Christian religion with a mixture of paganism and truth, which is the same as going a whoring after Satan as far as Jesus is concerned. But the spiritual lesson in the Song of Solomon is showing the love of Christ for His church on earth - the good woman of Revelation 12 and not the harlot of Revelation 17. Some may argue that that is ALL that is to be learned from Song of Solomon, but as so many other texts show, there is indeed a literal side to the story that is to teach what an unperverted marriage is to be like.
Not only that, there is also a spiritual application to each of us individually! Jesus, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, the Creator and Sustainer of all things, the Redeemer, the Majesty of Heaven - He it is Who is knocking at each person's heart's door, wanting to come in and have a love relationship even more close and personal and passionate with each of us than that of Solomon and his love in the book Song of Solomon. Do we understand this? Do we grasp just what the King of the Universe wants with us? Imagine! The King of Kings wants that kind of intimate passionate love with ME and with YOU on a daily basis, all day and every day!?! How can He love me like that, one such as I - a human sinner, who fails Him and has yet to attain to that state wherein are no more failures and no more sins against Him? Amazing love! But will I deny Him? Oh save me Lord from carelessly leaving You out! is the cry of my soul. Yes, come in, Dear Lord, and caress me and love me as only You can, and help me to love You supremely and wholeheartedly in return - to always be still and know that You are God in the innermost chambers of my soul regardless of what all is going on, to always be listening out for Your voice and keeping my eye on You no matter what! This is the prayer of my soul; is it yours as well?
Another lesson: some may argue with Paul on 1 Corinthians 7:5, saying that single people are Biblically to refrain from anything sexual in nature all the years before they marry, and that therefore the idea of going too long without physical relations during marriage being a cause of temptation is ridiculous. Not so, since there is a very great difference between being married and not, in how it affects the two involved; it is an all or nothing matter, and the Bible bears out that quasi-celibate marriage is not only not what God intended, it can be outright dangerous in terms of giving rise to temptations to transgress the 7th commandment! Likewise in the spiritual realm in our relationship with Jesus. Once we give ourselves to Him, it is an all or nothing matter there as well, and any degree of holding back from Jesus is deathly to one's spiritual life. We are to cling to Him even more closely than anything symbolized by the marriage relation; in fact we are to be so united to Him that it is like we are a branch of a vine and He is the trunk of it! But still the lesson of total and complete commitment to, and affection for, and nothing held back from, our Lord, is reflected in the Bible teaching that marriage is not to be quasi-celibate.
Then too, those who view the physical in marriage as bad and lustful are missing out on the parallel of the intimacy and utter trust and shameless openness with which every soul MUST commune with and abide in our Lord. If there is any holding back - any fear of "God shouldn't know this!" or "I shouldn't show Him this!" or "He shouldn't see that!" - then something is wrong with our relationship with Jesus! This is one of the critical lessons taught in Song of Solomon - that there is a place for shameless openness and lack of chastity, and that is in the marriage relation and in our relation with Jesus! That is a very important lesson indeed, and this is one reason why Song of Solomon is in the Bible, I do believe.
Another lesson here: Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:5 that spouses are not to defraud one another out of attention due each other. Do we do that to Jesus? Do we remember that He wants our affection and that His heart longs for our undivided love with NOTHING held back? Do we understand as we should that He really yearns for that even more than any human does, and that it hurts Him when we don't love Him like that?
Other Lessons To Be Learned From the Passages Covered Herein
The verse in Proverbs (chapter 5:19) appears to be a command to husbands to purposely CHOOSE to pay attention to their wife more than to any other woman. I have seen it with my own eyes where a husband was totally ignoring his beautiful wife and two children and not even holding her hand or looking her way at all ... even though they were walking to the beach in FL and she had on nothing more than a string bikini! (What does a wife have to do to get attention from her husband!!!) This verse must be there to help husbands use the power of choice to PUT their minds on their wives whether that is natural or not. And indeed, that very principle is VITAL to any good marriage, since I have read that it is only natural for a few weeks in many cases, and the only way the husband will continue to pay attention to and give affection to his wife in those cases is if he makes it a HABIT to CHOSE to pay attention to her! Hence the counsel and command to that effect in this verse of Proverbs. (A spiritual application to that is that we will not naturally pay attention to Jesus if we don't make a habit of that too, via the power of choice and asking God to work through that!)
In Conclusion....
There is a very sad trend in society today - all over the world - of marriages breaking up, and of those that do not break up suffering from abuse in the marriage. A friend of mine works at a women's shelter, and she has told me of the many pastor's wives and elder's wives who come to the shelter out of desperation to get relief from their abusive husbands. Oh what a shambles Satan is making of those two golden institutions established in Eden - marriage and the Sabbath. Indeed, Satan wants to destroy love to God and love to one another, so how better than shatter the home and do away with Sabbathkeeping?!? But the Bible has the answers; God has not left us to the buffetings of the destroyer! The Song of Solomon and similar passages hold some of the keys that, rightly understood, show the way to that intimate love that God wants us to have towards Him and towards spouses. I hope and pray that this article has cleared away the seeming contradictions shrouding these precious principles and passages, for it is God Who put them in His Word, and in His Word are the ways of peace and righteousness.
