Submitted by: Morrissey | View Member Profile | View Other Posts
Created: 11/11/2005
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Part 1 : What Is a REAL Man?
Have you ever seen the bumper sticker that says, "Real men love Jesus"? There is much truth in that; the only problem is, many people do not know what really loving Jesus means (more on that in Part 2). But suffice it to say, that which the carnal heart terms weakness is what God calls nobility and greatness, and that which the carnal heart thinks of as greatness and manliness is what God calls weakness, childish capriciousness, and lack of self control. For example: many men and women think that a REAL man is someone who is often impatient, who hunts and fishes and butchers animals, who uses bad language, and who is a scruffy slob. These same people often regard neat, tidy, polite Christian gentlemen as wimps and childish men.
Sadly, if these onlookers came across Jesus Christ, they would regard him as a wimp and childish man by that standard as well. But let me ask you a question, Christian readers: was Jesus a wimp? Of course not!!! But can you picture Jesus being a scruffy slob, a ruffian using bad language, one having a bad temper? No indeed, for the Biblical (and accurate) picture of Him is that of a perfect heavenly mixture of justice and mercy, love and truth, kindness and fairness, as well as firmness and tough love for those in error such as the religious leaders of His day. His prayer while being nailed to the Cross, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do," is something that many men would consider not manly. They would think Jesus should have fought back, and that doing what He did was weakness. But what He did was the absolute height of Christian manhood in God's eyes. This shows that true Christian character and a REAL man (or women) go hand in hand, and are in fact inseparable. Why? Because God created human beings after His image, in His likeness - just like it says in the book of Genesis - and it is the purpose of the plan of salvation to restore in mankind the image of his Maker that has been effaced by sin and unChristlike character.
At this point I must interject some observations that I and my girlfriends have made in regards to Christian young men of our day. I and my friends have found that most Christian young men of today are so lacking in real Christian manhood that they turn serious Christian young women away in disgust without much of any contact at all (in terms of dating candidates). How is this? One way is dress and deportment. There are young men who claim to be Christian and yet are sloppily attired, and enjoy being loud and obnoxious. Is this Christian behavior?? Would Jesus do these things? No indeed! (He stoops to reach to whatever level humans may be, but He LIFTS THEM UP FROM THERE rather than leaving them there. Jesus' power is to save FROM sin, not just console IN sin and unseemly ways.) So why should someone even call themselves a Christian and not be serious about following Christ and living His character by His power and grace? Listen, young men; if you want to impress serious virtuous Christian young women, you must be serious and virtuous yourself, or else we will be turned off very quickly by you. I and others are LOOKING for real honorable noble examples of Christian manhood in young men, and it is SO rare! By far most of what I see turns me off - and that is one reason I am writing this article.
Back to the area of dress and deportment in the above paragraph: Christians are to be neat and tidy - not expensively attired necessarily - but neat and tidy. It does not require anything but a little effort to be neat and tidy no matter how poor one may be. But those who ENJOY being so casual that it looks sloppy - this is not befitting for any Christian. And then many have the nerve to wear casual clothes to Divine Worship service at church!! This is blatant disrespect for the One being worshiped! Do we not know we are worshiping the Living God, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords? Why then would we not show Him enough respect to wear very nice clothes to meet with Him at Church Worship? Those who wear work clothes and play clothes et cetera to church may be ignorant of what I have just said, but it still turns me off instantly in terms of being interested in dating anyone like that! And I am not alone in this; there are MANY others out there like me!
About deportment and Christian manners: Romans 12:10 says, "Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love, in honor preferring one another." Also, "...Be swift to HEAR, slow to speak, slow to wrath." James 1:19 In other words, we are to always politely listen to what others have to say WITH THE ATTITUDE that they might know something we don't, rather then the attitude of me first, and/or my thoughts and my ways first. Again I ask the question, is it weakness to uphold and live by these Biblical rules of kindness and courtesy? To the worldly minded, yes - to do the above would be weakness; but to the Christian, this is dignity and honor. Therefore true Christian manhood (and womanhood too) will encompass courteous deportment and Christian manners, rather than selfishness and temper tantrums (which is letting one's self be a slave to passion)!
Is it only for the wife and children to exercise self-control to not indulge in complaining, grumbling, and otherwise being sour? Does a REAL man stay cheerful and calm around work mates and church folks and maybe even visitors, but when alone with his family he is grumbly, nasty, and irritable as the circumstances dictate? Is that NOBLE? Hardly! I don't know where the idea came from that such home behavior by men and boys is manly, but it certainly didn't come from the Bible - that is for sure!
By the way, this topic would not be complete if I did not here include manners and courteous behavior as dictated by the culture in which one lives. Is it only for women to uphold manners? Or is it also for the men to do this? Is it being a sissy for a man to (in this country, the USA) open the door for a women and let her go first, keep the elbows off the table at meal time, keep the mouth closed while chewing, say "Excuse me please" each time a burp is made, give a good solid handshake when greeting people rather than offering a "fish hand", et cetera? No, none of this is anything other than VERY manly and noble; it is by no means being a sissy. Those who think such deportment is below manhood need to rethink their Christian standards, or else not bother calling themselves "CHRISTian".
What about professionalism: is it manly to do everything with thoroughness, or is this just something for women and mothers? What does the Bible say? "WHATSOEVER thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might." Ecclesiastes 9:10 There is no mention here of this just being for females! And there is also no mention here of this applying only to obvious employment! (Many people think they need to be studious where it shows, but that such things don't matter at home. This concept is simply not Biblical at all. In fact, the real circumspect Christian will do EVERYTHING as unto the Lord, whether or not any human ever even lays eyes on it!) Of course people can carry anything to extremes, and as Christians we are to "turn not to the right hand nor to the left; remove thy foot from evil." Proverbs 4:27 But aside from extremes, is it being a sissy or girlie man to be thorough and diligent in ALL things, even at home? Is this nitpicking or is this thoroughbred Christianity? If one believes the Bible as the sole rule of faith (like I do), then the latter is the answer!
What about temperance? Some consider it manly to be intemperate and careless in regards to one's health and well-being. Is this Christian? What does the Bible say? Galatians 5:23 lists temperance as one of the fruits of the Spirit, and 2 Peter 1:6 tells us that temperance is one of the key steps or ingredients in the Christian character. (Other verses tell us how our bodies are the temple of the Holy Ghost, and that we need to preserve them as living sacrifices to God; this cannot be done if we bring sickness or death upon ourselves by being careless in getting our sleep and getting our meals or other aspects of healthful living.) So then, is it manly to be temperate and health-conscious? Yes indeed, according to the Bible.
In the Christian home, another dimension comes into view, where the husband and wife are no longer on an equal plane. It is this: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it." Ephesians 5:25 Did Jesus wait for the church to love Him before He would love her? Did Jesus demand that the church do everything while He sit by and be the recipient of all the attention? A resounding "NO!" to both questions. Then why is it that even in Christian homes, men seem to have this idea that they are only to be affectionate if the wife starts it, and they are only to be nice if the wife is nice first, and so forth? During courtship, many men subconsciously know that they must be the leader in the relationship; but once married, they turn into more of a follower, and then wonder why they don't have a very happy marriage...and then they often have the nerve to blame it all on the wife! Is this Biblical? NO!
What does the entire chapter of Ephesians 5 show about the marriage relationship and who is to be the leader? God has ordained that the husband is to be the leader; why then do men not follow the example of Jesus in loving the church, in how they treat their wives? Women need to be treated with tenderness, understanding, and much affection from the husband; if this is NOT the case, it becomes a burden for the wife to fulfill her home duties and be the sunshine of the home, whereas when the husband DOES fulfill his role as he should, it is then well-nigh automatic for the wife to be affectionate, happy, gladsome and charming - filling the whole home with sunshine. Regardless of Women's Liberation, even the military has learned that women are NOT on the same level as men and never can be. (Surprise! The Bible said that all along!) God never intended that the wife and mother should be the spiritual leader in the home; God never intended that children should grow up seeing an example set before them that makes them think religion is just something for women! And yet that is what is seen on every hand. Just look inside many churches, and see how active the women are compared to the men, and how many women sit there with no husband beside them, requesting prayer for the husband who is not interested in coming to church! Let me ask you a question: does the Bible show that a vibrant religious experience is just for women and male religion freaks? No indeed!! The Bible is full of shining examples of Christian manhood in both the Old and New Testaments, the foremost of which being Jesus Christ Himself.
So then the old-fashioned notion of the father and husband being the spiritual leader and priest of the home is not only relevant to today, it is thoroughly Biblical! Would that which is Biblical be anything other than manly? To serious Christians the answer to that question should be obvious. But just to emphasize this area, let me say that the MUST be the spiritual leader in the home, the protector of the wife and children and the guardian of their reputation as well as their well-being in every sense, and in keeping with that he must be diligent in working to support his family. The Bible has some VERY strong things to say about men who refuse to earn an honest living (things like "he that does not work should not eat" paraphrased).
Another question: does a REAL man conduct himself as a dictator in the home, or is he a leader and shepherd of his home flock? What does the Bible teach? "And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4 There are many, many passages in Scripture that enjoin restraint and discipline to be used in child training; therefore, it would be perverting the Scriptures to make this verse say that no discipline or restraint should be used in child training! Rather, this verse is speaking about the EXTREME of restraint, to where both the wife and the children are made slaves to the husband's/father's every whim. For any man to do this would indeed be breaking the injunction of Mark 10:42-45 (as well as many other texts). So no, a REAL man will not only refrain from being a dictator in the home, he will be like Jesus is towards His church. Notice these verses closely, "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. ... So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh: but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church." Ephesians 5:25, 26, 28 & 29
The flip side of that is this: "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. ... Nevertheless let everyone of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." Ephesians 5:22-24 & 33 There are several points to be noticed in these verses. First of all, there is one very important difference between a husband and Christ: all husbands are human and nothing more than human, whereas Christ is the all-knowing God and ruler of all things! Paul is certainly not advocating that husbands be worshiped as Christ, and Paul is also not saying that wives' consciences are not just as important as anyone else's. The injunction of Acts 4:19,20 and 5:29 remains in force for married women as well as all other humans. In these passages, the Apostles were being told by the authorities not to preach Christ anymore to the people, but yet the Lord had specifically commanded the Apostles to preach Christ everywhere, so they said to those thus getting between them and God, "Whether it be right in the sight of God to hearken unto you more than to God, judge ye. For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard. ... We ought to obey God rather than men." When a husband is wanting a wife to do that which directly crosses her conscience, she is not required of God to thus violate her conscience; she is to stand for God no matter what, in such cases. At times, this necessitates the wife (and perhaps the children too) to leave the husband and live somewhere else. (This often occurs when the wife becomes a Christian after marriage and the husband will have none of it, or the wife receives further light on what the Bible teaches and the husband refuses to have anything to do with it. THIS is why the verses in Ephesians have the very important modifying phrase "as unto the Lord" in it. Did you catch that phrase up at the top of this paragraph? It is there for the same reason that it is also present in the verse "Children obey your parents IN THE LORD." (Ephesians 6:1) Why? Because even the command "Thou shalt honor thy father and thy mother..." is modified by that all-encompassing principle that all humans, regardless of age, are directly accountable to God, and even children are at times forced to disobey parents when - for example - the children become Christians and the parents do not, and the parents want the children to bow down to idols and the children must politely refuse.
So, we have seen one side of Ephesians 5:22-24 in that the husband is not God and never can be just like God in receiving that kind of reverence. What then does the Bible mean when it says (in Ephesians 5:33) that the wife is to reverence her husband? This is a use of the word that means honor, respect, trust, admire, et cetera. This, however, brings me to my final point for Part One of this article: very serious single women like myself and some of my friends, understand that in order for women like ourselves to truly admire and trust a man, he must be admirable and trustworthy! Think a moment of how much we could admire and trust and worship Jesus if He were not trustworthy, honorable, true, merciful, admirable, and altogether lovely? While a husband is not the same as Jesus of course, the similarity still exists that for a Christian home to operate properly and happily, the husband must be the leader, and the wife must be able to put her trust and affection and admiration in her husband, that he will treat her as he should, and that he will lay hold of divine power to be the husband and father that he should be. (Note: I am not talking about a husband that has reached perfection; no, that is not the point! What I AM talking about is a husband that UNDERSTANDS these principles and is resolved to lay hold on God day by day, hour by hour, and moment by moment, to live as a REAL Christian man!)
Because Jesus taught that adultery is the ONLY grounds for divorce, therefore marriage is something that is an extremely serious matter, one that cannot be tried on for size! Marriage can be either one of the greatest of blessings, or one of the greatest of curses; therefore it is of paramount importance that it not be treated lightly! (The Bible also clearly condemns fornication, which is sex before marriage, therefore "shacking up" or living together before marriage is totally and completely against Biblical standards as well.) This leaves only one avenue for the serious single women - thorough, oh so very thorough, investigations of potential life partners. This article shows why women like me and some of my friends MUST insist upon REAL Christian men, because to do otherwise would violate the Biblical model of how a Christian home is to operate, namely, if the wife is a more serious Christian than the husband, then the wife will BY DEFAULT be carrying far more of the leadership role in the home than God's ideal. Those of us women who know what marriage should be and can be through the power of God, cannot and will not settle for less. We will remain single as long as need be rather than hastily enter into a marriage contract with someone who is not ready to be a REAL Christian man in the home and in the church.
In closing this Part One, I will briefly refer to the observations of some people I know, in regards to the Christian men even in our own church. One of my best girlfriends who is still single and who has evaluated countless fellows who have been interested in her, told me her experience: either they have a very good mental Biblical framework with little grasp on real life, or they have an excellent grasp on real life and little love for and knowledge of spiritual things. In both cases, she found that most did not understand how a Christian man is to relate to women. Another girlfriend of mine, who finally married after breaking up with 5 different men, told me that there were very few really solid candidates for marriage even in the conservative circles. An older women said the exact same thing, almost verbatim. Then a young man that I knew for a while, told me that even in a conservative missionary "straight-testimony" college, he had found that the men in the dorm were all-too-often lacking in real morals, and that this showed by how they would be really nice when the staff or the girls were around, but when it was just the guys around, they were crude, course, rough, and took pleasure in discussing vice and crime and the like. Is this what a real Christian man is like???? No indeed! Furthermore, he told me his summation of the young men there: most all fit into two categories - either worldly and not very interested in solid life-changing Christianity, or very spiritual minded to the point of being extremists and fanatics who are "so heavenly minded that they are of no earthly good". I ask the question: whatever happened to well-rounded Biblically balanced Christian young men?? "Will the real Biblically balanced Christian young men please stand up?!?"
"The greatest want of the world is the want of men - men who will not be bought or sold, men who in their inmost souls are true and honest, men who do not fear to call sin by it's right name, men whose conscience is as true to duty as the needle to the pole, men who will stand for the right though the heavens fall." This sentence was quoted from a book called "Education", page 57.
I appeal to all men reading this, let this article challenge you to a higher level of Christianity than ever before. It is NOT impossible for men of today to be REAL CHRISTIAN MEN, just as much as Jesus, Daniel, David, Paul, Noah, Enoch, John, and the list goes on! There is such a dearth of real men in this world today, and especially real young men. How about changing that, readers? God has the power for anyone that will take it! Go to www.empoweredlivingministries.org to learn more. (Read the online articles there, and I would highly recommend the book "Escape to God" by Jim Hohnberger, as well as the set of CDs by him called "The Making of a Man".)
In Part Two I will delve into what is a REAL Christian, and some of the basic reasons for the confused morals of "Christians" today.
